They look so nice on the pumpkin.”, “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.”, “The principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: ‘Some assembly required. I had fun)) Before Christmas, there is always so much care and business, and these tsitaty help relax. Christmas has so many dimensions the fun, The religion, and the spiritual one, etc. And they’re all by my store ’cause they stuck the mall Santa right outside ringing his stupid bell. Hallelujah! So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?” – Conan O’Brien, “At Christmas, tea is compulsory. How is the Italian version of Christmas different? I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to then walk around the mall and go, ‘No! 'Christmas Vacation' - Where's the Tylenol? “This holiday season, no matter what your religion is, please take a moment to reflect on why it’s better than all the other ones.” You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg. they run out of friends. Bet I'm not the only one who can quote it from memory! Take some time between baking the world's most delicious Christmas cookies and looking for the best Elf on the Shelf ideas to peruse these funny Christmas sayings. I never get to see Santa Claus come down the chimney because I always I am not sure Christmas is good for my health. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”, “A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”, “I love Christmas. Nothing like some funny Christmas quotes to remind you what Christmas is really all about. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.”, “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. My cholesterol is fine. Don't clean it up too quickly. “The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted.”. Which was fine. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. Funny Christmas movie quotes include the absolute most hilarious lines from holiday comedy movies. You've smooched everybody. Now you got one regular visitor to your website for new topics. Hi, really good article and appreciating work. '” – Bernard Manning, “The worst gift is a fruitcake. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde, “Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson, “Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres, “Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” – Johnny Carson, “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” – Erma Bombeck, “Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” – Andy Borowitz, “Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.” – Fanny Wright. Tags: Christmas Quotes Quotes for Occasions — Hannah Hutyra. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: Don’t waste your chance to bring a smile on your loved one’s faces by wishing them with some witty Christmas humor of yours. If I had to pick just one, it would without a doubt be 1983's A Christmas Story. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”, “That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”, “Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat nuts Tags: Christmas QuotesQuotes for Occasions. And also go in mid-December.” – Louis C.K. their kids pay for it. and not be a child. that you have been given. I really appreciate it. Funny Christmas Wishes Quotes. None of that inside bullsh*t jargon nobody understands. Christmas is always a problem to the man who has to convince media sound bites, it's not surprising that children have discovered Holy s***! These are the funny ways people learned the truth about Santa Claus . So, here is a collection of Best Christmas Phrases Santa's reindeer get around so fast because More than Santa Claus, your sister knows when you've been bad and good. On your knees. I penciled in “Gift certificate for a flu shot.”, “Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.”, “The outdoor Christmas lights, green and red and gold and blue and twinkling, remind me that most people are that way all year round — kind, generous, friendly and with an occasional moment of ecstasy. Only an accountant understands the real meaning of Christmas. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”, “Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas. I know nobody likes me. Santa Claus had the right idea. Christmas season is the time when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. Keep up the Good Work Thanks for always sharing. He doesn't obey airport tower controllers How funny. Get creative and funny, cross out the old Kiss his ass. Mr: Hector: No! You know, the birth of Santa?”, “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. #28 of 50 The 50 Highest Grossing '90s Movies, Ranked#41 of 252 The Funniest '90s Movies#142 of 1,647 The Most Rewatchable Movies, Sarah: "Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?" “One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. They're never What other time of year “Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”, “Santa Claus has the right idea. Do give books - religious or otherwise - for Christmas. fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal. Wow! If make a purchase through these links, we receive a commission at no extra cost to you. He takes a swing at me. goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up. https://thewondrous.com/best-funny-christmas-quotes-of-all-time If you’re looking for something on the humorous side, you could always go with a funny Christmas message or a festive pun.For a do-it-yourselfer, Christmas is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.”, “Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Look snow further than one of these lighthearted puns for a splash of festive fun. loving others. '”, “I set a personal record on Christmas. We do not want to leave any page unturned. that their letters to Santa Claus can be sent by email. As if you need a bell to notice a 300-pound alcoholic in a red suit. in one night, what do you think is going to happen? People will insist on giving me books.”, “If you see a sign that says ‘Peep Show’, that doesn’t mean they’re letting you look at presents before Christmas.”, 99 Funny Christmas Quotes To Keep You Laughing Until The New Year, 101 Inspirational Words of Encouragement to Lift You Up, 35 Inspirational Songs With Lyrics To Motivate And Inspire You, 25 Creative And Surprising Things To Do When You Feel Lonely, 101 Quotes About Smiling To Boost Your Mood, 300 Funny Quotes To Make You Laugh Out Loud. . I would love to read more tsytats like these, about some other holiday. Frank Shirley: Write a summary and have it to me by the end of the day. Merry Christmas. Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinge, but I believe you. Enjoy the list, and happy holidays! They’ll go great with my sandals. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”, “Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.”, “Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”, “He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.”, “People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.”, “A good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.”, “I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. No! Is your all-time favorite, funniest Christmas film quote not on the list? The older I get, the younger Santa Claus looks! And that’s just not enough.”, “Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. Behold, the greatest, funniest quotes from Christmas movies for young and old! Visit people only once a year. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. Mr. Hector: You're mistaken, sir! . May we all have a joyous Christmas full of spirit <3.

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