If the listener is off the mark, the speaker restates his or her position, and once again, the listener asks questions until there is a meeting of minds. But when we come at our partners with both barrels, they want to put up their dukes rather than prick up their ears. The blood flows through the heart as a constant stream of entering and exiting, receiving and giving, opening and closing. I default to listening to my inner GPS, not to an external source, even if it is family, friends, or world-renowned expert. The Little Things That Can Take Over in Borderline Disorder, 5 Qualities to Look for in a Life Partner, 7 Hurts That Never Heal and 3 Ways to Cope, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, National Well-Being Before and During the Pandemic, More Proof That Vigorous Workouts Boost Fluid Intelligence, 3 Reasons You Can't Stop Crying Over a Deceased Loved One, En Garde: How Defensiveness Can Destroy Love, How to Heal Defensiveness in Close Relationships, 4 (More) Solid Tips for Getting Your Relationship Unstuck, Be the Change You Wish to See in Your Relationship. When a man is told that he said or did something to upset his wife or girlfriend, all his bells and whistles go off. For today, experiment with being aware of your heart. You are spiritual. Listening to your heart doesn’t mean that all of the challenges and problems in your life disappear. Listen to your heart. In distressed relationships, listening has been lacking for so long that both partners feel starved to be heard. It’s much better to follow where your heart leads than where you mind does. By grace, you will. With this skill, the listener questions (not challenges) the speaker to make sure he or she is clear on what the speaker has said. Listening to the heart for me is still something that is quite difficult to do sometimes. You love nature and exploring the beauty of the world. With mirroring, the listener restates exactly what has been said. I had no idea what the term “follow your heart” even meant. There are certain things I feel I have to let go right at this instance and a few things I have to really do to proceed further. With love, you will. There's on old adage in the therapy world: a therapist can't take a patient beyond where he/she is. The heart is also a receiver. Being practical means living your life with your whole being. As the heart gives love, it also receives, and it is in that reciprocal flow that the energy of the spirit is truly nourished. I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yea. Or to put it in modern terms: listening to your inner GPS. Like you said, there was some fear and anxiety over there. You live life through your whole being. Therapists seem to dis-engage their feeling or listen without taking in the patient's feelings. Your heart, again, is clamoring for your attention, encouraging you to Go for it. I’m a very practical and logical person. If I blindly follow advice from others, I’ll end up unhappy, because no one can know what will work for me. I listen, I know what I must do, but yet, fear still grips me and I stay paralysed. Tracy Farquhar, owner of the Spirit Light Center in Southern New Jersey, is a professional psychic medium, teacher, author and Certified Infinite Possibilities Trainer, offering readings, workshops, coaching, and events. The next time that hot topic resurfaces we are even more likely to blast our mates. The listener must be careful not to overuse this skill, or else he or she will sound like Polly the Parrot. To become good listeners, both you and your partner must master the following three skills. It’s also known as the fourth chakra, the heart chakra. When I talk about following your heart, I’m not referring to your physical heart, although I’m sure it plays a part. But we have to be willing to listen. Guilt is another common listening roadblock, especially for men. So, please, have patience with your guilt-riddled macho man. Essentially, it’s a belief that your heart is a compass inside of you that will direct you to your own true north if you just have the courage to follow it. If you do, feel it fully, and stay with it. Thanks for dropping by! I’m pointing to the area in the middle of your chest, because that is often where I feel the energy that I call my heart, and that most people refer to when they tell you to listen to your heart. That blood can be seen as a metaphor for love. 3. When he’s told that he failed in his job as a man and husband, guilt starts working overtime. 4. Good listeners are masters at conveying, in various ways, that they have heard and understood what has been said. When we don’t feel heard, "discussions" soon cycle out of control, meaning no resolution occurs. Now he makes it his job to make your boo-boo go bye-bye. Connect with like-minded writers! Not surprisingly, listening is nearly absent in conflicted relationships. Unfortunately, since he has not been socialized to handle the emotional side of life, he is clueless on how to ease your pain. See www.SpiritLightServices.com for more information and join her on Facebook. I certainly am not! You also get access to my newsletter, where I send out the occasional article, video, or promotion to help you dance toward your dreams. When you're ready, fill in your email below, and get access instantly. Having an open heart means we are willing to receive love and acknowledge that we are deserving of its sustenance. We mourn loss because we have deeply loved, we feel anger or disappointment because our inner balance of love and compassion has been challenged, we feel fear because our ego wants to avoid the heartbreak of failure. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. If your partner still finds it hard to listen to you, the following hypothetical situation may help him/her understand what you need. For a long time I made decisions that “made sense.”. Listen to Your Heart Song. Thanks for the post, it really came at a right time for me. Restating: Your boss's retirement really has you down, huh? There’s nothing magical about it. There will always be challenges, so it’s not about getting rid of them, but to learn to relate to them in a different way. Turn Your Passion into a Thriving Lifestyle Business. Just listening is all I need." Since you're perfecting your listening skills, it's important to know that being a good listener is more than passing a hearing test. Your little piece of heaven turns too dark. If either of you finds yourself facing this obstacle, the following exercise will help you put yourself on your mate's emotional side of the fence. This causes him to switch into the other role that he was socialized to play: the doer and fixer. Let me give you an example of each: Defending and Justifying: Mary tells Peter that she is hurt because he forgot her birthday. Mike Dooley, co-founder of TUT, is a New York Times Bestselling author, speaker, and entrepreneur in the philosophical New Thought movement. Privacy Policy. I listened to the feelings my heart sent me, and eventually we found the right house. You're describing various defense mechanisms like detachment, avoidance and isolation of affect. If you were to diagram the Questioning to Clarify skill, it would look like loops within loops. If your partner still finds it hard to listen to you, the following hypothetical situation may help him/her understand what you need. Our emotions are deeply connected to the heart center. The heart simply radiates love. Sometimes we fail in our attempts to listen because we simply can't understand why our mates feel the way they do about a given situation. Make sure you read the next installment in the Follow Your Heart series: Why Is It So Hard to Follow Your Heart? When I follow my heart, I listen to the feelings I have about decisions in my life. Unfortunately, these responses infuriate most women. It’s funny because not too long ago, I would’ve dismissed what I’m about to write. Copyright © 2009-2020 - Contact - Privacy & Cookies – Design by Danny Cooper. Your intuitive voice speaks through the heart. This post is a part of the Follow Your Heart series. To avoid break-ups and divorce, you must vow to move heaven and earth to do a better job of truly hearing each other. Just listen to your heart and find balance! ", Counterblaming: Mary tells Peter that she is upset because he forgot to take his turn grocery shopping. Don’t let the world silence the whispers of your heart. If the listener has understood, the speaker confirms that fact. Here's what mirroring sounds like: Speaker: I am so sad that my boss is retiring.

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